Sometimes I feel a bit of a fool. As I was growing up one of the most damaging things I experienced was being considered slow learning. My deafness had not been diagnosed and so my failure to respond properly, was presumed to be because I didn’t understand. This had a huge impact on me, as I didn’t know that I was deaf and so had no way of refuting any mockery. God has done some amazing healing work in my life and self-perception, but its an ongoing journey and I think that’s the same for us all.
I often find the silliest of situations trigger those old feelings. A while back, Marilyn and I were away leading a conference. During some free time, I went with friends to browse in a nearby town. I’d told them I had to return by 4 as we had a ministry appointment. We were in good time, so I was puzzled when we turned down a road that seemed to me to be in the wrong direction. But my sense of direction is abysmal so I presumed I was wrong. I was completely thrown when they suddenly entered some kind of museum, confidently buying tickets. Where were we? What were we doing? Some people would ask straight away and that is probably best, but by temperament I’ve always tried to follow and watch to discover what’s happening.
Well, watching at first only increased my confusion because once inside they then proceeded to sit in its theatre and watch a film! I was still flummoxed as my friends knew I had to be back so why were we here?
All was well in the end because they wanted me to wait and relax while one of them got the car. I was awaiting hip surgery, so they were being very caring. Eventually I found out that they’d chatted about the museum being there and how they could go in for a short while, but with my deafness, that had passed over my head!
Suddenly, as I reflected on what had happened, the Lord gave me these amazing words:
‘You fear going into strange situations, especially those that make you feel vulnerable. You want to be in control of what’s happening at all costs so that you can feel safe. But I promise you that I will never forsake or leave you helpless. I have given you a sound mind not a spirit of fear. (1 Timothy 2:7) Even in those times when you don’t know how to plan because life seems uncertain and you feel out of control, be sure that I know the end from the beginning. I AM in control and am drawing all things together for your joy and growth. Relax in me my beloved.’
I found this word very powerful and shared it with the group and some were very comforted by it. It’s amazing how God uses our challenging situations to help us grow. I’m so glad it happened as it resulted in Jesus giving me that lovely reassurance. But I really need to choose to take on board that God has given not only me, but all of us, a sound mind. Satan loves to rob us and make us doubt ourselves, but God raises us to be co heirs with Christ. He trusts us to be part of what He is doing. He delights in us. I am excited to see how He will speak to me through other similar situations. It is an adventure, rather than something to be feared.
Incidentally we got back in very good time!
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