There are moments in life when your hopes and dreams lie shattered, the carpet is pulled from under your feet and you are left floundering and lost.
I am feeling that today as I process the news that I am not going to be given a new Hearing dog. My appeal has failed despite my assessment going well and despite all the prayers. With my sight loss and balance issues I can’t meet the criteria required, I am too great a risk. The decision is for my safety, they say, but I am left feeling winded by it and deeply sad. My heart aches and I feel such a great loss. It’s not just a dog issue, but how that dog connects me to those around me, the smiles and laughter it opens up and the ability to belong in a group. As a deaf and sight impaired person I often feel so much on the fringe but having my last Hearing Dog, Goldie, at my side was life-changing. It was as important to me as the sounds he alerted me to.
I am mourning and struggling with the sense that it's my fault, even though I know it’s because of the charity’s policies and rules, not me.
Why didn’t God answer my prayer? So many were praying with me that Hearing Dogs would change their minds. Was God listening? Did he care?
As we approach Easter I am reminded of Jesus’ own cry of anguish from the cross ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’
Jesus felt forsaken and with that cry expressed the pain and bewilderment we all feel at times of great loss and sadness. The truth is, God doesn’t forsake us but weeps with us. Life is complex in our fallen world and loss, pain and confusion are woven right through it. But Jesus crying out that heartbreak of abandonment means he has given voice to mine. When I weep I can know in my deepest being that he weeps with me. When I feel the ache of longing and floundering the fog of confusion that my prayers were not answered, I know that Jesus has carried that pain already on my behalf. It is not a pat answer but a true glimpse of comfort. He knows, he cares and he walks the path of loss with me and with you. Marilyn sings, ‘When you’re feeling lonely, when your heart is aching, when something happens that makes you doubt my love; then my child, come close to me, just be still and listen, I long to comfort you and renew you in my love.’ (All I ever do is love you) (c) Marilyn Baker.
Jesus feels my pain and feels yours too. He longs to comfort us. My heart may be crying but in him there is always hope. If you are feeling deep loss today, he is with you and wants to strengthen with his love. Isaiah 61 says he came to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve. He understands you’ve been left with a hole in your heart that you don’t know how to fill. But he will provide for you in your grieving. And what he provides will be just right.
Because he knows and he cares I can rest in him to heal my heart and strengthen me to move forward. I pray you will find that too.
