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Yesterday I stubbed my toes as I was getting ready for bed.The resulting pain was ridiculous considering how small a part of my body thetoe is, but it felt excruciating. I muttered a slightly less than godly wordand fortunately the pain calmed down after a few minutes and I was soonsnuggled in bed.
Later when I woke my nail kept snagging the duvet and Irealised it had broken when I banged it. It was irritating and suddenly,because my thoughts were on my toes, I found myself thinking about the picturePaul uses in 1 Cor 13 of us all being part of the body of Christ.
In that extended picture, Paul is keen to emphasize that weare all an important, in fact, vital part of the body which couldn’t functionproperly unless every part, the eyes, the ears, the feet, the hands . . . areall there and all doing their job. I get this as with my deafness and sightproblems, I often need help from others to function well.
But Paul of course isn’t really talking about our physicalbodies, but the church and how the family of believers is like that body, everypart essential and needing to work together with one part’s role interwovenwith the other parts around it.
But I must admit, I really struggle sometimes to feel thetruth of that, as part of me feels that everyone else is ‘there’ but I am notquite there myself. It’s a feeling of not quite belonging, not quite knowingthe things everyone else seems to know and feeling a little bit of an imposter.
Where does this feeling come from? Am I the only one whostruggles with it and why is it there? Is it that others in the church arerejecting me or not making me welcome?
But no, its nothing to do with the churches I visit and ampart of as they are all very loving. Of course, churches are made up of flawedand broken people and so there are times when wrong things are said, hurts arecaused, people are insensitive and rejection happens. But even when this is thecase, it’s still so important to look at our own reactions and listen to ourown ‘self speak.’
This is because I am finding that the main problem is in me,it’s like that broken toenail, a small part of me that has been hurt in thepast and is sending out waves of pain, getting me caught up in jagged messagesthat I don’t belong. It’s all a lie springing out of my insecurity and oldwounds that the devil is taking full advantage of.
When I hurt my toe I needed to give it some tender love andcare, to soothe the bruise, hold the hurting part tight and ultimately to dealwith the broken nail.
How much time do I give to letting God soothe and hold tightin His love, the small parts of me that are still hurting? Do I seek Him forwhy I’m struggling or feeling overwhelmed by negative thoughts, or do Iwithdraw into the feelings of not belonging? I instinctively cherish my toeswhen I hurt them, but I also need to love and cherish the fact that I am avital part of God’s family. To celebrate that God has made me to be me andplaced me with others around me so we are all interwoven and mutually dependant.I need to kick out that old lie that I don’t belong and don’t match up to theother ‘body parts’ and send it packing. I need to believe and stand on thetruth that I am loved, that I matter and that I belong. The more I take thosetruths on board and live and worship by them, the more that little ‘toe’ thatshrieks out its hurt will be made whole.
If you are struggling with the feeling that you don’t belongin church, it’s my prayer that you will know the God of love holding your little ‘toe’ of pain close to his heart and ministering His healing and grace.May you see the vital place He has given you in His body and similarly, may yoube able to celebrate the vital place He has given to all His precious children.
May all jagged toenails be made smooth, soothed by the powerof His love.
